the Rift

[COMPLETE] Our worth in Gold [Mirage/Spar]

Thor the Gentle Heart Posts: 379
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.3 :: 11 (TallSun) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sabine :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Linds
To be Captain would be a hefty responsibility… But I was more than up to the challenge. I knew that I had to stand tall now when no one else would, I had to face things that I knew I would rather avoid. My hard work had led to this day, though insignificant as it were, I was nervous. I had never participated in a spar, let alone a fight on any level. I was sure that the Dragonheart would understand my handicap, but I didn’t want to be seen as a weak link. This was my time to show my skill and award my tender patience with victory. I was not one to charge blindly into action, but rather one to think and respond. Hopefully it would do me well to do so here. I awaited her anxiously, nervously pacing the tree line as I knew I would while looking out and over the cliff’s lip into the horizon beyond. Dusk was falling naturally as I had tried to avoid the midday heat. The mists hung low now but were invading quickly. I knew that by the time we had talked our way through introductions and the limits of our lesson that it would be rolling in like a high tide.

It licked along my toes and occasionally reached up to touch my ankles and part of me was glad that it would hide my intentions. It would veil my next step, my next move. Even if I did not come back victorious today, I was certain that I would have gained much experience from Mirage. If anything I tried to think of it as a small game, after all, I had no real intentions to inflict pain upon the delicate lead. The last time I had seen her, she bore a swollen gash upon the tender flesh of her shoulder. I did not want to cause her any stress after her dealings with the Basin, but I knew that I wanted this more than I could tell. I wanted to prove to her that I had what it took to obtain a position alongside her. I was ready for this in more ways than one. “I’m ready when you are Mirage.”

Ooc| You’ll have to explain the magic stuff to me as far as spars go and all of that because I’m not sure how it goes.. XD
Setting: In the Edge around dusk.

Mirage the DragonHeart Posts: 414
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3 :: Eighteen HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Akaith :: Royal Golden Dragon :: Fire Breath Whit

A wraith skirted the area, using what felt like eons of constant travelling blessing her with the ability to learn swiftly, to closely estimate with just a glance how her neat hooves would track upon the summer-hardened ground, to use the elements as they closed in upon herself and her opponent to her advantage. Right now she saw the sun dropping down from its throne in the sky; soon the time would come that moonlight would be the only orb left dangling above them, shedding its ethereal light across the lands.

The mists would make things more difficult, but the little mare knew these lands well, though it would not be the lands she was fighting, but Thor - that the mists would hide intent and footing would prove a trial both of them would need to deal with. The cliff's edge brought another danger to the plate, herself being an equine and he a pegasus unable to fly - she had no intentions of summoning her other side this evening - it was something she kept in the forefront of her mind, not wanting to push her herdmate over, nor go careening over it herself anytime soon.

The cut she had inflicted upon herself had healed, through the normal passing of time as well as the final kind of touches of Torasin. A dragon cawed from the trees, lingered nearby, her melody a song of support for her beloved, as well as a promise to Thor that she would not participate in this spar, for there was no real enemy here - and besides, the little queen liked the mammoth sized stallion.

Many thought the little shadow mare to be a delicate thing, but they were usually the ones who would be surprised to see the strength her sturdy breeding had bestowed upon her frame, as the grace and stamina of an Arabian mingled complimentary with the heavy, strong build of a draft, she was a happy medium. The task of selecting a Captain caused her little stress, rather, she found the entire exercise exhilarating, refreshing - to see one's herd rise and test their skills against each other in a friendly but competitive way was inspiring, it allowed them all to see what their fellows were truly made of.

His words brought a smile to her charred lips, a delicate curve revealing nothing more than her acknowledgement of the sentiment. He said he was ready; it was time to test that theory.

The mare was standing face on to Thor, with the ocean beyond the cliff's edge to her right, a treeline to her left, and a space of at least twenty feet of soft, loamy soil surrounded them, and with two horse-lengths in between them, it was a happily sound, yet risky place to test one's grit in battle. Her form was dwarfed by his, seen even with the distance that stretched between them. She had faced things far more terrifying than him, but just as it would be foolish for him to think of her a mere delicate thing, it would be equally foolish for her to assume he was a simple, slow-moving draft creature.

Mirage blew a snort from her nose, abruptly, loudly, shaking her tiara as she did so. The motion loosened up muscles down her neck even as she shifted her weight onto her hindquarters, attempting to mask that she was preparing her athletic body for a workout that would require her to be light on her forehand, so that she could best utilise the powerful gluteals that would soon propel her forward. And so they did; the little mare moved like a dancer, each step taken with deliberate intention, to get closer to the stallion in a manner that was both swift and efficient in delivering the appropriate angle to deliver damage that would not last beyond this spar. Humans would call her pace a canter, as with her ears pinned to her nape (to protect the delicate things that really were nothing more than biting hazards in this game), she curved a path slightly to her right, angling herself to approach Thor's left side, giving a burst of added speed as she came within half a stride of him.

Teeth flashed, the only warning of what would come should he do nothing to dart out of her way. The ivory incisors attempted to pinch at his mahogany pelt, her intent determined enough to draw blood should they gain grips. Momentum kept her moving, however, and as her steps began to draw her away from him, she added an extra stride - a hop, where her left hind leg darted out with startling speed but little accuracy at the mammoth creature who was now positioned behind her.

796 words.
Opening Attack post.
0/2 Magic & Companion uses.
Okay! Yay! Spars!
Because we are in an official type challenge, the limits to magic and companion use is 2, however, I will not be using Akaith in this spar, nor will Mirage be transforming into a dragon, but I may just use her other magic later on, we’ll see ;D. Seeing as Thor has none yet you don’t have to worry about magic restrictions for yourself.
I went along with your settings and expanded on them as much as I could, seeing as this is the opening attack post, it’s critically important that you get a firm grip on the settings you are playing in, that way no unexpected tree roots or rocks will get in our way, as I have not included them in my own description.
Basically, the only tips I can give for your next post is to keep in mind Thor’s intentions in this spar, his surroundings, and how he is going to defend himself as well as counter attack. Keep your positioning very clear, draw yourself little pictures if you need to, and enjoy! ]

Thor the Gentle Heart Posts: 379
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.3 :: 11 (TallSun) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sabine :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Linds
I stood before her gazing down into an impassive glare that I knew would be afforded. She remained as to-the-point as ever and part of me thanked her for the kindness, knowing that if words had been shared they would have shaken my resolve. Akiath trilled above me in the treetops and I glanced up into her happy face, awarding her acknowledgement with a smile. She had always been quite good at lifting my spirits when I failed to notice their falling. However, my gaze was quickly retracted from the small gold to accommodate the final pause before the beginning of what was to be my very first spar. Around me the ground was hard and even, no holes in which to tip a hoof. To my left the cliff loomed large and daunting in face of what was to come. To my right the tree line cast a shadow along the space between Mirage and I and I imagined what it would feel to bask in that shade after I had been announced winner.

But I didn’t have time to fantasize such blasphemy as Mirage was set to motion. Her legs were solid beneath her and I counted the strides it took for her to cover the ground between us. One, two, three, four, five… Using my count to determine her pace, I tried to estimate the power in which she would deliver her blow. She was smaller and naturally quicker than I and I knew that trying to out-step her would be a foolish move on my part and decided instead to take what was coming to me. From her pace and the distance at which she had been allowed to gain speed I knew that her punishment would not be light and when it hit, a searing pain along my shoulder alerted me to her success.

From the sound of her footfall I knew that she had sped up along my side, using speed as her advantage not only to land her attack but to avoid one of my own as well. Onetwo, threefour…. The fifth beat never came but a slight clip to my cannon did. It was not as painful as the bite wound that would later inflame and swell upon the flesh of my shoulder, but I knew it was time to move into action if I wished to be named a contender in this “fight.”

Everything was about sensation and gut feeling now. I didn’t have much time for logic because I knew that she was quick, much quicker than I, but as my brain eased itself into a fine edged seat between what I wanted to do and what I thought I should do, I decided to take the latter. I prayed to the Gods that my patience had paid off as I quickly plotted my counter-attack. Mirage had attacked my right side and from the sound of it, I knew that she now positioned herself behind me. Using the time I knew it would take her to recover her balance, I threw myself to my left and turned on my heel in order to face her. While she was quicker, she would need more strides to cover the ground that it would take me to cover in just a few and I used my size to my advantage. Lunging forward, I began counting once again; only this time I counted my own steps. One, two, three… and I was upon her, her left side growing closer and closer with each heavy step.

I mimicked her attack and bore yellowed teeth that ached for the flesh of victory upon her swollen flank. I hauled my head into the attack, using sheer force to inflict damage whereas she had used the speed of her gait. However, I was not quick enough to even consider trying to land a hefty kick to her side as well because I would only leave myself open for yet another vicious kick from Mirage. Instead, I traced the length of her body to her neck and once again flashed teeth that were hoping to land upon delicate skin. With that, I turned back on my heels choosing to leave my backend open instead of my face as I veered back to my left again to avoid further attacks from the little shadow. I tried to recover my former position when had begun the fight, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before she was racing up alongside me to remind me in what place I actually stood.

I loved the rush of a spar, though new and rather foreign, and I only hoped to be something of a challenge for a mare that had seen so much war.

Word Count: 790
Summary: Thor took both hits from Mirage including the bite to his shoulder and the kick to his cannon. He then turned pivoted left (towards the tree line) and ran towards Mirage hoping to bite her flank and then bite at her neck. He is now moving back toward the tree line with his ass-end facing Mirage as he tries to recover his former position that he had started in, in the beginning of the spar.
Ooc: I hope that it made a little sense and if there’s something I need to improve on, let me know. Also, I was going to ask if the post itself was clear so I could avoid any vagueness or fantasized attacked that maybe wouldn’t work.

Mirage the DragonHeart Posts: 414
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3 :: Eighteen HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Akaith :: Royal Golden Dragon :: Fire Breath Whit

The mammoth creature known as Thor chose not to move from her attacks, but instead absorb them all - it was a curious ploy, did he think her so incapable of doing damage that he needn't dodge at all, or was he testing her, just as she was testing him, waiting to see just how much damage she was willing to inflict in what was meant to be a friendly spar? The little sylph would not hold back; he was a giant when compared to her athletic stature, the muscles upon his foreleg almost as thick as her slender nape. The true test would be to see just how well he could control his strength to deliver accurate, appropriate reactions to her assaults.

He chose to do nothing, at first, however, and this was probably more unsettling to the maiden then a reaction involving movement would have been, for she had been expecting at least some reaction from him, mimicking statues aside. It triggered a hesitation in her step as she righted herself from her kick, a glance thrown over her left shoulder to see whether the beast still stood.

Realisation dawned in another satisfied smirk as she saw him move, his titanic frame moving with a muscular grace; he reminded her of her mate, both in hue and size, though of course Vikram stood taller again. She had seen her beloved move with a fierce swiftness and strength in battle, and knew not to underestimate that Thor might be capable of similar feats. She realised she didn't know just how much Thor had (or had not) been through, though his size and initial interest in being a Protector of the realm had suggested that combat was not foreign to him.

The mare could guess all she liked; soon she would know just what he was capable of.

As her golden eyes peered over the dark curve of her shoulder, she saw him near, saw the flash of incisors reach past his dark muzzle, felt the pinch of skin upon her flank, the sting of miniscule blood vessels popping, a small graze and a bruise the lasting damage of his initial strike against her. The pain caused her to step shorter in her left hind, it hit the ground with a premature thud, but its early decline to the earth enabled her to push off faster, as he continued coming at her with bared teeth to go for her nape. The mare naturally moved away from the danger, feeling nothing but a firm tug on her mane as his teeth gained purchase on nothing but the silken tendrils that decorated her nape.

Leaning upon her right hind, the mare pivoted to her right, so that her form would be running parallel to Thor's once he had completed his attempts at evading her reaction. He was seemingly unaffected by the entire ordeal, and this made the little mare feel more spritely, more determined to give him something to remember these trials by. How does a flea do damage to its host, being so small and insignificant? It performed many inflictions of small damages, eventually wearing the beast down to nothing. But Thor was unflappable, so patient and stoic, so difficult to make a dent on - the mare snorted again, happy to alert the stallion of her approach, happy to hide her true intentions so that she might have hope of leaving a mark upon his hide.

He was to her right, and without wavering in her resolve, the maiden repositioned herself to be perpendicular to him, so that she might once again land a blow to his left side. Perhaps if she landed enough to the same location, she would wear away at his resolve. Another stride, before the mare bowed her head and exposed her right shoulder, aiming the hard, angled contours of her body to strike the stallion against the bruise she had initially given him, knowing that she would have had little chance in affecting him otherwise. A grunt tumbled through her lips from the effort, as she then swung her hindquarters around and hoped to knock the right flank of her rump against his left side.

The fact that she was shorter in body to him lent her a small advantage, as she lifted her right hind leg, and attempted to stamp down upon his cannon bone, or upon the tender flesh that ringed his coronet band, a move that would have been impossible had Thor been any smaller than the titanic size he was. Once she had completed that step, the mare pushed herself away, to her left, lifting her crown and rolling her eyes to view what would happen next.

[786 words.
0/2 magic/companion
2/4 attack posts, 0/1 closing defence
So here Mirage has reacted to Thor by taking his first bite completely, and managing to mostly dodge the second by pivoting around to her right. She has then lined herself up parallel to Thor, before turning to him, charging, and trying to ram her right shoulder against the cut she gave him earlier, on his left shoulder. She has then swung her hindquarters around to try and step on his left hind with her right hind.
The only things I noticed from your post were:
• Be specific - which cannon bone did Mirage hit? Front or back leg? Left or right?
• Does his injury affect his pace/stride?
• Also with positioning - I originally described Mirage as standing face on to Thor, with ocean on her right, trees on her left, which would be the opposite would be true for Thor, so ocean on Thor's left, trees on his right [at the beginning of the spar, anyway].
• I probably wouldn't have had him stand still to take all of the attacks - he could have at least leaned or stepped one way or another to make the blows more 'glancing' blows than direct hits. It’s a delicate balance between allowing an attack to hit completely and causing significant damage, and dodging unrealistically. It’s all in how you write it, which makes it harder!

• Very good mention of Mirage's smaller size and thus increased speed, I like that you brought it up numerous times and used it to justify why Thor reacted the way he did.
• You have a very natural flow and eloquence to your posts that I really enjoy, it makes them so much easier to read and understand. Just don't be afraid to be a bit more specific regarding -what- has been injured, and don't forget to mention how these injuries might affect you later on! ]

Thor the Gentle Heart Posts: 379
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.3 :: 11 (TallSun) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sabine :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Linds
A small groove in the stone beneath me gave way under my weight before I realized just how much Mirage had actually clipped my left hind cannon. Flames licked through the tendons there and I faltered. It was a short misstep that I was trying to avoid but after taking her first two blows openly, there was nothing I could do to save the tender flesh that had been damaged in her assault. The warm throb pulsing upon my shoulder was paid little heed due to the fact that it would not lay me on my back if smattered once more. However as the pain grew, siphoning through the nerve endings like ice water, I was unsure about how true that former revelation actually was. However, Mirage didn’t give me much time to nurse my new wounds nor really even consider their worth. There was too much at stake now as we raced along the stone floor toward the cliff’s edge.

My legs seemed to stretch beneath me, flying wildly away from the wraith but knowing that I would not succeed. She came as predicted, pushing her weight into my shoulder in a powerful lunge. My shoulder turned inward and trembled, showing signs of wear as I knew it would, as she knew it would. My neck snaked low at this attack and leaned into her blow to try and counteract her damaged by lessening the weight my front left leg carried, but it was difficult. I faltered once more before regaining step and trying to veer away from her, further and further towards the left, toward the sea that cheered from below the ragged edge. But Mirage had other ideas because her legs were sent careening back into my injured left hind cannon and part of me wanted to cry out, but instead rage ensued.

The lip lie ahead before I skidded to a halt and pivoted back to face her, fluidly moving into her path of ascent but before I could precede her entirely, I moved quickly upon her right side whereupon my hind feet left the stone hoping to find purchase upon her left front breast. We now stood in an awkward “L”, she facing the sea and I facing the long path that wrapped along our borders along the crag’s face. When I came back down from the vicious buck, a searing strike of agony roved through my injured hind leg. I was helpless to avoid yet another faltering step but at least this time I was ready for the pain that I knew would follow such rapid movement.

I had been disappointed in myself for missing my shot at her delicate nape and the bitter taste of withdrawn hair clung to my dry lips. I had tugged a few stray pieces free but it obviously did little in the way of affecting her. A golden ray caught my eye as Akaith awaited in the tree tops where I had formerly seen her in the beginning of the spar and the little gold gave me a bit of hope. I thought of her happy chatter and used it to concentrate on a rhythm that I thought would help me through the course of this brutal dance. I had tried to aim true in my kick, but my brain hadn’t registered the hit just yet and the lack of feeling brought me back into her side again, her right and my left. The flash of teeth was again unmistakable but I felt so entirely off-kilter that I wasn’t even sure that I would find the release that I desperately sought.

The heaviness in my step was distinctive now and I tried to make it bear my weight more naturally so that she wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes. I had to push through it, I had to prevail. I wondered what was to come next as I quickly learned that my adversary was quite unpredictable. But if my heels were able to make purchase I knew that the hit would not be a light one. I didn’t want to be underestimated here, not now. My step was aimed to angle away from the small black mare but it was incredibly difficult after her second attack to my cannon. The cornet started to ache now, a sign of obvious future bruising and perhaps a few days of rest because the bottom of her heel had managed to graze the tender bone there and my shoulder quaked from the open gash upon it. Even as I turned away from her now to protect my already throbbing wounds, I knew that I would face her once again to prove myself in spite of the pain. It only goaded me further, pushed me harder.

Word Count: 794
2/4 Attack Posts
Summary: Thor tried to subdue Mirage’s first attack by leaning into her and using his neck to take a bit of the blow so that his shoulder would not suffer more, however, the wound still throbs and trembles from the strain and promise of later bruising. While dealing with the pain in his shoulder that causes him to falter in his step, Mirage is able to land a vicious kick to his left back cannon. This again causes him to falter but he uses the pain to fuel his next attack. Racing ahead of Mirage he cuts her off before looping around to her right side to buck at her front left breast (chest). After bucking he attempts to regain footing and bite again at her hind right flank but his footing is questionable. He then tries to run away from her in the opposite direction in order to protect himself from further attack.

Ooc: I feel like I’m losing myself in all of the directions from left to right. XD I think that’s what hinders me the most. I tried to include more about the injuries and how they felt and affected him and this time I made sure that he wasn’t so idle. I also tried to be more specific about which parts of the body he was trying to hit or had been hit on him so just let me know if there’s more that I need to think about. I tend to be a bit narrow-minded.

Mirage the DragonHeart Posts: 414
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3 :: Eighteen HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Akaith :: Royal Golden Dragon :: Fire Breath Whit

He pushed against her, and she was satisfied once again that she was able to bring a reaction out of him, a defence that did not involve him passively, stoically standing by to absorb the attacks she threw. Perhaps if she could continue inspiring this movement from him, she could tire him out, wear him down so that he stood still out of exhaustion rather than by choice. Shadowed lips curled again in a smirk, as she noted that her strikes of impact against him had made some difference to his movement, his posture, the way in which he carried himself. But the grit and determination with which he continued to plough onwards impressed her, even as he attempted to hide the pain he suffered from - it would take such determination to win against her, more still to impress her enough to earn the title of Captain.

Her advantage in smallness when compared to him allowed her hind hoof to hit the hard, bony length of his cannon bone, and she thanked the rising stars for the hindrance it would hopefully provide in his stride; her aim was to make him immobile, either through pain or exhaustion, both were effective and would allow her to dance about him like the delicate shadow she was. However, it seemed that he would not be stopped, not yet. Warily she watched him move, the rush of the fight giving him the strength to push on, to keep running when another, weaker willed soul, may have stopped.

His pushing against her had given her something to launch herself against and off, giving her a space of a couple of feet to his left after her attacks had been laid. He carved a path in front of her then, turning his bulky form and face her, before dancing off to the right so that he could engage the haunches that towered so high above her own for an attack. She assumed it was the weakness caused by the injuries she had inflicted that meant his aim was considerably lower than it could have been, his hind hoof rising only to the level of her chest, instead of utilising the potential to make a strike at her neck, or shoulder. Mirage had moved as Thor has turned away from her, making the angle less perpendicular, and more obtuse, but not completely straight behind him. The swiftness of the buck prevented her from evading it completely, she wanted to stay near him, to prevent such damaging blows as this from reaching their full potential for causing damage.

So his hoof glanced against the bony outcropping that was the point of her right shoulder, and instinctively she felt herself lean away from the pain, lifting her right foreleg, reluctant to place it upon the ground . Though it was a glancing blow, it vibrated down the entire leg, and she knew it would affect her stride, as she plotted to chase him down where he fled. Another amused smirk quirked the corners of her mouth, though it was swallowed up in the grim façade of concentration a moment later as she roused herself into motion once again.

The hind end was the powerhouse of the horse, and hers was working fine, her breeding leant her agility against the great beast that was Thor, and now the fact that his left side was affected by a double blow to his hind end, hindered further by the ache he was undoubtedly feeling in his shoulder, she was able to gain ground on him swiftly, though her canter stride was unbalanced, slightly rocky and perhaps lowering the accuracy with which she would have otherwise moved with. She chased him down, coming up along his left side once more; her style was methodical and relentless - chip away at the exposed weakness until the resolve of the beast crumbled. It was her only hope against a foe so naturally well defended against the dainty, wraith-like creature that she was.

With her tail flagged in the air behind her, she drew slightly ahead of him, so that her shoulder was just in front of his own. Then she put on the breaks, so to speak, dug her hind feet into the shallow, flinty turf below, and simultaneously rose into a rear, with her forelegs hopefully dangling over the same shoulder she had struck twice before. It was unfortunate that the nearest leg for her to use would be the one Thor had managed to hurt just before, as the mare struck out once, twice with her right hoof towards the broad shoulder blade of the steed, not enough to break the bone but certainly enough to increase the size of the bruise that was already swelling there should her attacks land true.

[ 800 words.
0/2 companion/magic.
3/4 attack posts, 0/1 closing defence.
Okay! I can definitely see that you are getting a bit overwhelmed with the directions of the battle. I recommend drawing a picture, or even pulling out little figurines/toys and playing out the scene (yes, I did this..), it really does help you ‘see’ exactly what is going on, both with what your opponent is doing, and may help you plan your next move too.
Much better carry-on of injury affects here, though don’t write them up too much, a bruise is only a bruise after all.
Mirage defended herself from the buck by following Thor as he moved, and thus adjusting the angle, so it still landed, but was more of a glancing blow than a complete impact against her. She then charged on ahead, and reared at his left shoulder again, striking out with her right foot. ]

Thor the Gentle Heart Posts: 379
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.3 :: 11 (TallSun) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sabine :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Linds
The look of fire in her eyes grew strong. But I did not allow them to smother me, not now, not ever. I followed her command for good reason, but I would not allow her to break me. Her tactics were ruthless, preying on a weakness that she thought she knew. My heart pumped steady beneath my breast and the adrenaline coursed through my veins. I would not tire just yet. I may be large but that did not mean that my resolve would let me waver when the sheer force of fatigue started working its way into my muscles. She thrust into me, using my strength to gain leverage before spiraling away. I was able to catch her chest beneath a heel, but the feeling was not enough to satisfy the growing urge to excel. It was a blackness that came over me, sheer will that forced me from the pain and into action once more. I was still a threat, I wasn’t about to give her satisfaction so easily.

I could not rid myself of her for she was always pressing me, crowding me, and a guttural growl escaped my lips. This day was sitting on a fine line between fun and games and responsibility. I felt alive on the battle grounds but I knew that there was much more riding on my success. Her footfall behind me had slowed, skipped, and alerted me to the pain I’d inflicted. A small smile forced its way to my lips. I didn’t want to be proud about landing a decent blow because of the Leader on which it had landed, but this, this was a small victory for me.

However, as I knew, she didn’t let me bask in my glory for long. She was racing beside my left quarters again but this time I planned for her to find error in her strategy. I could count the uneven beating of her gait now and turned an eye towards her at my stomach. She shined, a true warrior’s gaze resting fully within those golden eyes. I threw my head up and pushed my weight to the right, my body careening from the sudden change, almost setting me off balance. The squelching of hoof on stone made me turn. She had risen, aiming to loop a leg across my back in order to balance herself for the blows that would soon follow. The feeling of the small mare reaching up to my shoulder made me flinch away, though the wound was still glanced by a powerful heel. I was ready and waiting for the second strike but instinct spoke to my tender nerves, protesting against the pain she caused and I threw myself into her stomach, hoping dismounting her in a rush.

I was sure that the sudden weight upon her wounded leg would make her gasp, distraction enough for me to turn back into her right side and reach for her neck with incisors eager for her flesh. I wanted to clamp the swollen hide between my teeth and pull, only this time I longed to succeed. Once I had pulled away, I took a frivolous attempt at her font end once more with my left front hoof. It was hard to ignore the stretching of bruised skin along my shoulder but I raised it nonetheless. Coming back down, I threw my weight into the leg itself hoping to strike her front right cannon. I felt it only fair that she understood my pain. When I withdrew from her I realized just how tender my shoulder had gotten. The pain was spreading from a small central location to reach up and flick flames of agony into my back.

Moments ticked by while I tried to adjust to the aching from my shoulder. I brought both blades together and gathered myself once again, gearing up for the onslaught of mastery Mirage displayed. Forcing my legs into motion, I flung myself around in order to face her, eyes hard and wanting; yearning to gain knowledge of her next attack. I had hoped more than anything to gain much from her teaching and found solace in the understanding that I had not yet given up. I could not give up my chance at becoming Captain so easily. She had plucked me from the Threshold, surely unaware of my ambitions. I had been brought from timid mindfulness into this world of perseverance and determination. I would not deny my own courage a fight when it was standing right in front of me. My stomach swelled with the intake of breath as I waited, trying to count the seconds before she was flying at me once again, ready to test my sanity as it stood on the brink before her.

Word Count: 795
3/4 attack posts.
Summary: Thor leans away from Mirage when she comes up on his left side before realizing that Mirage had taken the opening to mount his shoulder. He takes most of the first hit but throws himself into her belly in order to dislodge her. When she is back on the ground he reaches over try and bite at the right side of her neck before lifting his front left hoof and trying to smash into her front right cannon. He then moves away from her and turns to face her in order to ready himself for her next attack.
Ooc: Well, I tried to make it clearer… Just let me know what errors you saw. I’m definitely trying to use your tips. Thank you Whit. :)
< /td>

Mirage the DragonHeart Posts: 414
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3 :: Eighteen HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Akaith :: Royal Golden Dragon :: Fire Breath Whit

The resolve he showed was admirable, she could see him hurting through the grimace that contorted his façade for an instant, and she could see the unquestionable decision to simply ignore it. A satisfaction was still felt in the mare, though now, it was not a satisfaction that she would break him; it was that she would make him fit the ideal configuration of a Captain, a leader of the troops, fearless and undefeatable.

Though, she still planned on beating him here, today.

The mare would have laughed if not for the circumstances she found herself in, as the growl of pent up frustration emanated from the stallion. She was determined now, more than ever, to be that pesky little flea.

From her lofty view she could see the motions he made clearly, but the precarious position she had placed herself in meant there was little she could do about the rapidly approaching impact that would see her pushed away from him, legs scattered away to her left. It takes her a moment to find all four feet again, though she does not fall down completely, merely shuffles unsteadily before feeling the full affects of the counterattack the beastly stallion had given her. An involuntary grunt exited her muzzle, as the entire ordeal had left her lungs with little air, the effort of inhaling took up more focus and time she didn't have.

In her breathlessness, he had managed to get in close to her again, his teeth meeting flesh with a searing pinch on the right side of her crest. Naturally, her first reaction was to pull away, to swerve to her left by doing a sort of standing leap, a single large stride that lifted her forelegs off the ground. As she pulled away from the vicegrips of his teeth, she felt the skin tear, the strange warm, dribbling sensation of blood pooling in the wound in the wake of the attack.

The motion incidentally enabled her right foreleg to be out of reach of Thor's strike, and so the revenge he sought would not be planted, not yet anyway. An ear flicked to listen to the heavy steps of the steed, she had to toss her elegant tiara over her right shoulder to see him retreat from his attack, and face her.

The little shadow smiled.

Just as Thor settled himself down to look at her, she tugged upon the illusionary cloak that would blur, distort, and make her appearance virtually impossible to focus upon. A soft, sultry song hummed from her throat then, a temptation, a lure for the stallion to continue staring at her, to lose himself amongst her illusion and suffer the dizziness, the confusion, the headache that could very easily result from such a mistake.

The little mirage moved then, cloak still in tact, her steps as light as she could make them. The sun had dropped beneath the horizon now, twilight meant her magic was heightened, as the shadows around them grew longer so too did her chances of going undetected by the steed. She turned herself again, grimacing from the strain in her right foreleg, as well as a reminding twinge upon her flank, and the numerous other bumps and bruises scattered across her hide. She pushed onwards anyway, grinding her teeth together and moving with her irregular pace to position herself neatly at Thor's right side.

The little shadow lined her hindquarters up with the stallion's barrel, hoping to imitate his act of squeezing all the air from her lungs, to try and make him lose his breath, stagger, and perhaps take that chance to land another final blow upon him. As soon as he was within the ideal range of her hind feet, she leaned all her weight upon her aching fore limbs and engaged the full potential of power in her haunches.

Not waiting to see the result, she landed, dropped the cloak of magic, and skittered forward, before putting a jarring stop on the forward motion, the scrape of her hooves clear in the ground, causing more strain on aching muscles to complete the movement. But she forced herself to, though it was perhaps a bit sloppier, and slower than her usual graceful dancer's steps. The dark maiden turned upon a single hind leg, and faced the giant. She pushed herself on, towards him now with teeth bared again.

She aimed now for his neck, and while she could not reach as high upon his nape as he could, her assault was vicious and unrelenting, her tactics shifting as she felt it was only fair to mar both sides of the stallion with some battle scars to remember her by, as she now aimed for his right side, instead of her favoured left side from before.

[ 799 words.
4/4 attack posts, 0/1 closing defence.
2/2 magic/companion uses.
Linds, you have improved so much in just a couple of posts. There really isn’t much for me to critique, you have done so well.
Don't be afraid to mention how is size an advantage to him (he is a natural tank after all), or a disadvantage. Great mention of the environment here, I love the visualisation of -where- they actually are, how they are moving over the environment. Like I said before, your posts have a very smooth, natural flow to them, which will get you points from the Judge. I can feel the emotion throughout your posts, I feel like I am very much 'with' Thor the entire time. This is definitely your best post yet, it is clear what is happening, you laid some very distinct attacks, you dodged really well. Kudos to you! Now, remember that your next post is Thor’s last one for this spar, and Mirage has one more last closing defence to see how she handles all of his final attacks – so make them count!
In this post, Mirage has been knocked aside during her rear by Thor’s shove, getting winded in the meantime. While catching her breath, Thor manages to lay the nasty bite on her neck, which she instinctively pulls away from, dodging the foreleg strike in the meantime. As Thor settles himself to look at her, she pulls on her cloak, her first ‘attack’ per se is her singing to get his attention, to get him to look at her with her magic on, to induce a headache. Her second attack with her magic is to dart about him and line herself up so that her hindquarters are in line with his barrel, and she then attempts to double-barrel him. Upon landing she is back to normal, and quick to turn and charge at him to bite like a vicious little banshee at his neck. ]

Thor the Gentle Heart Posts: 379
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.3 :: 11 (TallSun) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sabine :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Linds
I wanted this more than anything in my life. I wanted to provide for my family, for Tamira, for my child. I had motivation and strength, determination. I knew of a few others making their way through the trials but when the day came that I faced one of them, I would win. I was certain of this fact and it drove me. Mirage had proved an irreplaceable teacher and once this was all said and done, I would be certain to thank her. But that time was not now and this fight was not meant to be left unfinished.

Her uneven gasps to regain her composure lit an excited flame within my resolve. My body tensed with the foreign feeling and I smiled. I knew that she had yet another test in which she planned to administer before she let me walk away so easily and as we stood, both recovering from blows and swollen injuries, I knew that this would be her last. My nerve endings tingled from the exhilaration only to explode one by one as her song broke the heated air. The shadows began to fill in around us and I hadn’t been able to pay much attention to the changing of time until now. The tunes seemed to surround me now and I wondered if she was giving me a moment of reprieve. They floated through the misted air and seemed to envelop me with tender embrace. But the longer I listened, entranced by the sound, the stronger its grasp grew. It seemed to clutch tighter and tighter around my brain before squeezing mercilessly.

At first it had been magical and methodical, but now it was growing uncomfortable, reaching into my depths and turning them until it was suddenly unbearable. I cringed, closing my eyes for half a second and upon opening them, she was gone. Had my eyes played tricks on me? Another vicious tug from her vices had me closing my eyes once more and this time when I opened them, she was flashing toward me. However, her image never stayed long and it frightened me. My brain pulsed as I searched for her and something within my gut told me to move, urged me to be free of her trance. However, it was a straining thing that held me still and forced my eyes to close again. As the world grew dim around me, I moved to the left as her step was heard alongside my right shoulder. But alas, I had not been fast enough to avoid her heels as they dug into my gut.

While I had not been lucky enough to avoid the blow, I had managed to reduce its power by inching away from her haunches. However, the haziness from her mental assault still hung heavy. I was slowly lagging back into clarity when she came again, her footfall alerting me to her position before I could verify the flash of teeth. I gasped for returning breath and with it came a roar before we clashed. She was at my right, clasping against the skin there and I took advantage of her preoccupation to push through the pain and raise a giant, feathered, hoof to collide into her left foreleg. She had managed to grip the tender flesh between my nape and shoulder and make me wince but I would not let her forget my formidability so easily.

I hoped above all else that I had managed to injure her front leg before launching away from her grip. Whatever skin had been torn there was left between her teeth as I threw myself into one final attempt at victory. I had left her standing there, mouth surely still agape after such a vicious attack. I had pulled from her vices so hard without waiting on her release that I was almost surprised I didn’t gasp in such pain. The new wound pulsed as I charged back around to her left side using my body to form a perfect “V” shape with her own. My gait had been quick enough to allow me to throw one final buck into her haunches before sailing to the ground again to regain an unbalanced step.

I had been so caught up in the rush of adrenaline that I had failed to notice just how much my head still shook from her magic. I hadn’t expected it, hadn’t even thought of it and as I staggered away I realized that I had been quite glad she had used it. I could face an animal with magic if my courage stood tall. I wouldn’t back down before them or before her. I felt more alive now than ever despite my pain and win or lose, I felt victorious already.

Word Count: 795
4/4 attack posts
Summary: Thor takes the kick to the stomach but shuffles away enough to the left in order to reduce the power of her kick. He then notices her coming in on his right side in order to bite at his neck, but he is more prepared for this and uses the time to strike a blow to her left front leg because of her proximity. After yanking away from her bite he turns around and charges back at her left side only to veer slightly away to form a V, with her as one of the “legs”. In motion he strikes out against her haunches, which sets him incredibly off-balance because of his size and maneuver. After finally regaining his footing he is finally satisfied with his attempts and starts to tend to his wounds.
Ooc: I’m praying that this post was a good as the last because I wanted to try and fit so much in just 800 words. As always, Mirage post was amazing. Just let me know what you saw Whit. :)

Mirage the DragonHeart Posts: 414
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3 :: Eighteen HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Akaith :: Royal Golden Dragon :: Fire Breath Whit

There were advantages and disadvantages of close combat - it allowed one to monitor their enemy more acutely, it decreased the effectiveness of attacks that would require strength from a run-up, attacks that could deal an enormous amount of damage if landed, restricting one to utilise moves that required more skill, accuracy and ingenuity in order to be a valuable use of energy. As her teeth clasped down upon the warm skin of Thor, she hoped, for the sake of not receiving another mark upon her hide, that he would not be creative enough to think about striking at her in these close quarters - but at the same time, she did hope he would try and fulfil the image she held in her mind of the most perfect, ingenious Captain, one who would take every opportunity presented, one who would not hold back even when things seemed dire, hopeless.

He came through for her.

Beneath her teeth, she felt the muscles tense and bunch, coil and wind up, preparing the limb below for a single, powerful strike. It was difficult to know exactly what he was planning, but soon enough she felt the shuffling of hooves below and felt the hard blow of hoof upon bone. It struck her left cannon bone, perfectly midway between her pastern joint and her knee, and triggered a bone-deep thud to reverberate up her leg, inciting pain through every hurt on her body as it travelled, like a shockwave, up and down her spine. The only way she was able to lessen the impact was to move her foreleg back, but it was a delayed reaction, and did little to save her from any suffering caused by the dinner-plate-sized feet of Thor.

The metallic twang of blood hit her tongue as he pulled away after laying his attack, and with a snort she did her best to rid herself of the taste, teeth grinding together and eyes pinching tightly shut as all the hurts of this spar reminded her of their furious existence. Her shoulder radiated pain, and as it did so, it inflamed the throbbing of the bite higher up on the same side of her neck. So caught up on the great wave of pain that pulsed about her body, she was oblivious to the movement of Thor until he had gotten quite close to her left side. Instincts, and nothing else, told her to move forward, to disable those hooves attached to his hind legs from landing an attack that would be a hundred times more powerful than the one she had just been given. The rush of wind past her haunches, the scraping of the flat of his hoof against her buttock was all she felt from his effort.

He landed, and as she saw him pull away, she sighed deeply, heavily, releasing the tension of her muscles clinging tightly in preparedness to her skeleton, relaxing for the first time since coming across Thor this evening. A colourful trill from Akaith came from the treeline, it was somehow behind them now, the many twists and turns of the spar had left her addled in where it had been, where she was standing. The golden dragon flew down, crooning softly to the titanic beast on her way past, before alighting on the ground near her beloved. Through the bond, she could feel the pain in her beloved as if the wounds were upon her own scaled hide, she knew better than to alight upon the little mare's back despite wanting intimacy of touch in such a time of need.

The cushion effect of Akaith's soul however, was all Mirage needed to begin feeling herself again, however, as with an elegant tilt of her head, she turned towards Thor, her breaths coming swiftly still in the wake of the scuffle, her soft muzzle reaching out to him in a gesture of thanks, congratulations, and comradely affection. "You have done well." Was all her sweetly accented tones proffered, quietly, honestly. She was proud to call him a herdmate, prouder still that he would lend his skills in a fight to her, to their family, should the need ever arise. Her gait was uneven, the ache of her foreleg causing her to walk with a definite jarring tilt, the annoyance of her mane swaying against the bite upon her crest causing the muscles to twitch uncontrollably; she was hurt, yes, but she was deeply satisfied with the entire ordeal, she knew now that she would feel comfortable bestowing the title of Captain to this particular brute, however now the decision was out of her metaphorical hands, it was up to Thor to do well throughout this tournament in order to gain the title for himself.

[792 words.
4/4 attack posts. 1/1 closing defence. 2/2 magic/companion uses.
Mirage’s injuries sustained in total:
- Bite to left flank
- Right shoulder bruised
- Nasty bite on right side of neck
- Large bruise on left foreleg cannon bone
Once again, a great post Linds. I love Thor’s entire outlook on the fight, I love that he is consistently ‘there’ the whole time, like there is no point in time where I feel like I am just watching a horse go through the motions of having a spar.
I will admit that his final buck attack did leave me a bit lost, as far as, how exactly did he line himself up? He wheeled around yes, but then, to make the ‘V’ shape, it would have taken some tight manoeuvring, it was maybe pushing the bounds a bit far. But, still, it everything was nicely explained, you told me exactly what he was aiming for, and you carried on his injuries/magic affects really well. You should be so happy with yourself!
In this post, Mirage cannot avoid feeling his foreleg strike, though she does lift her foreleg just after it hits as a delayed reaction. The blow rekindles all the injuries she has sustained with a sharp clarity, and it is not until the last second that she realises what Thor’s next move is that she stumbles forward, and manages to only feel the flat of his hoof wall against her thigh.
Now, we wait for the Judge’s verdict. Whee~]

Official Posts: 847
Stallion :: Equine :: ::

M i r a g e | T h o r
Mirage has been awarded 1 VP.
- - - - -
By my verdict MIRAGE is the winner.

MIRAGE -- post 1 (attack only)

0| Attack: biting toward him. It'd a good build-up and a plausible attack, but no mention at all is made of where Mirage aims. Face? Shoulder? Flank, butt?
0| Attack: cow kick in passing. Again, a good, plausible attack, but no mention of aim besides "little accuracy at the mammoth creature who was now positioned behind her". Does she aim low? High? Is she close, or further away (so if he stood still, she'd hit him more from the back and less from the side/at an angle?)?

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

THOR -- post 1

+ 1| Injury: bite to shoulder. Great that you mention pain and that it'll swell, but also remember to notice it further along in the fight, perhaps while he's running, that he could "feel the ache of his shoulder in each step" or something.
+ 1| Injury: clipped cannon.
0| Mirage actually attacked your left side, not your right. The reason I'm not docking anything for it is that it has nothing to do with what Thor does, but I figured I'd point it out to you.
- 1| Borderline powerplay: your next attack, of chasing her down, is built upon the assumption that a, she's still running, and b, that you'll catch up/that she won't stop/etc. It is always dangerous to assume something in a fight, as you can never know.
- 1| Unrealism: In a race, a draft would be outrun by a nimbler horse. Yes, a long-legged horse can take longer strides (this is why thoroughbreds are tall, I think), but with the mass of a draft they are inherently slower. They cannot reach the same speed a lither horse can, meaning that the draft will not catch up. As we can see here, despite its leg length, the clydesdale is slower. In this case Mirage also has a headstart and build-up of speed (if she intended to, which we cannot know) meaning the gap is likely to increase between them, not decrease.
+ 1| Attack: Regardless of the circumstance, a bite is a plausible attack and you described where you aimed.
+ 1| Attack: Second bite.

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

MIRAGE -- post 2

+ 1| Injury: bite to left flank.
+ 1| Defense: rerouting second bite to mane.
0 | Thor veered to the left, so to achieve what she wanted, Mirage would have to veer left, not right. The reason I'm docking for this is that it's directly involved with her next attack, as she does it to chase him, and not just reflecting on it (as Thor did previously).
Note: The reason I do not make the same "borderline powerplay" notice here is the fact that Thor, at the end of his post, wrote that he was attempting to return to his original position.
+ 1| Attack: shoulder ram.
+ 1| Attack: Flank to his side.
- 1| Attack: Stomping his cannon/coronet. That it's one of the left ones goes without saying, but is it the hind? Fore? And with Mirage being shorted in body, and shoulder-to-shoulder with Thor, I don't see how it would be to her advantage, as she'd not comfortably reach his hind ones with any force, and if it's her fore ones it's not clear enough, as you never described her moving forward and into position.

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

THOR -- post 2

+ 1| Defense: I think you handled the shoulder ram well.
- 1| Defense: veering to the left. Mirage is actually on your left, so veering left would only bring you into her, and not away from her flank.
+ 1| Injury: left hind cannon being hit again.
+ 1| Attack: crossing her path and bucking. Nice that you mention the pain in your cannon.
- 1| Confusion: what is going on? Is he going back in for another bite at Mirage? It's not clear enough for me to make sense of.
+ 1| Realism: I really like how he's trying to hide his limp, as this is something which would seem natural to me given that horses, ultimately, are prey animal and don't want to be picked out as the "weak one".

+ 1| Basic emotional presence.
0 | Flow: Clarified below
- 1| Ease of Read: This post was a bit more confusing to me, with not as clear a rhythm and flow. While you're starting to account for your injuries, the first paragraph had me confused as to what was going on. My initial thought was that you'd time-jumped forward to Mirage's last attack in her previous post, but then I realized you were retconning your injuries. While it's good to think of your injuries, you should not "go back" and make them worse. If you realize you've downplayed the initial damage you took, better to run with that and do the best of it then suddenly have a lot more pain. It ruins the continuinity of the fight. There were also a few unclear attacks, which helped to break the flow.

MIRAGE -- post 3

+ 1| Defense/Injury: turning to take the blow against her right shoulder.
+ 1| Realism: unbalanced canter from the blow.
- 1| Attack: rearing to strike his shoulder. Given the fact that they are running, I'm not sure she'd have enough time to stop, rise, and strike, even less twice, before he's past. It's great that you mention trying to get a bit ahead of him, so you'll have time to rise, but I don't think the slim marginal you took would be enough. However, fantastic that you mention how its her weakened leg that is the closest to him.

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

THOR -- post 3

- 1| Defense: Mirage is actually going from a run to a stop, but you never mention Thor stopping. Even so, with his large size, I think he'd realistically be past her before he's rid of his momentum.
+ 1| Attack: throwing yourself against her side.
- 1| Confusion: I'm not really sure what you mean with "her wounded leg", as she has none. She's taken a bite to the left flank, and a kick to the right shoulder, which I assume is what you're hinting at. Given Thor's height it is very plausible that he'd actually hit her shoulder, but since my initial thought upon reading "..that the sudden weight upon her wounded leg..." was "hind leg", as they'd have to keep balancing her, I'm just not 100% sure... Also, be wary of wording, as you're kind of founding your next attack on the assumption that she does gasp/get distracted as you intend.
+ 1| Attack: bite towards neck.
+ 1| Attack: strike to front right cannon. Great how you mention the pain of using your bruised shoulder.

+ 1| Flow.
0 | Ease of Read: Moment of confusion explained above.
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

MIRAGE -- post 4

+ 1| Defense/injury: pushed over by his attack.
+ 1| Injury: bitten, tearing the skin as she moves away.
+ 1| Defense: rearing to evade another attack, and evades the pawing at the same time.
+ 1| Attack: dizziness magic!
+ 1| Attack: kicking towards his barrel.
+ 1| Attack: bite towards right side of his neck.

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

THOR -- post 4

+ 1| Defense/injury: I really love how you handle the mirage magic.
0| Injury: it's great that you take the kick, because there's not much else you can do, but you don't really describe the effects. Does it hurt? Does it leave you out of breath?
+ 1| Injury: taking the bite to the neck.
+ 1| Attack: pawing at her left leg. Be careful with wording, though! "..hoof to collide into her left foreleg" is almost a powerplay formulation, but you were saved by the "I hope I have hit" later. You could've mentioned how it hurt your left shoulder to put all your front end weight on it, though.
- 1| Borderline powerplay: "I had left her standing there, mouth surely still agape after such a vicious attack." Again, you assume that she's standing there. In this case it would've been better to just say that you went back in to attack her, and not mention something like that you "left her standing there", as you cannot really know that. Sometimes it is better to be vague, or say "I went to attack her again, and if she had moved from where she stood last I would follow".
0 | Attack: bucking towards her. This is a good attack, but it's based too much on the assumption that she's just standing there for you to run around. Also, I feel like you've really forgotten about all your injuries this post, with how you've played the left shoulder like a burning ache, and a limp in his left hind. Shouldn't it hurt to canter nimbly with those injuries? To lean upon his forehand?

+ 1| Flow.
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Basic emotional presence.

MIRAGE -- post 5 (defense only)

+ 1| Defense/injury: taking the pawing, but also moving her leg back to lessen the blow.
+ 1| Defense: springing forward to avoid the brunt of the kick. Good thing it wasn't her hind legs bearing her damages, so she had the power to do this. ;)


+ 2| Terrain: I would've expected more out of the fog, given how both of you started this, but it never came! :< Anyway, you had a few mentions here and there, but things like using the traction to stop, and the twilight to mask herself was what made me feel like you'd incorporated it enough for both points.
+ 2| Breed: you did think about height differences, strength and agility differences, etc. How she's more agile, but he stronger, how she needs to fight in order to win.

0| Nothing of note.

+ 1| I really enjoyed how Mirage had a clear tactic, and how you kept it up through the entire fight, or when you deviated from it, it was intentionally.

Comments: On the whole, you fought well, and you have a rather good grasp on the mechanics of battle. However, sometimes you were quite vague in your aim of an attack, so you could've done better with that. Most of the time you had a good idea on left/right mechanics, and your posts were well-written. Good job!


+ 1| Terrain: you mentioned it, but you never really did anything with it.
+ 1| Breed: while you did mention the breed differences, it felt like when it came down to it, they really didn't matter. A clydesdale is a large and heavy horse, and would have a great disadvantage in speed/agility when coupled with Mirage, yet I felt like this didn't really weigh in in your posts.

0| Nothing of note.

+ 1| I really like when he looked for Akaith, and took strength from seeing her.

Comments: On the whole, you did well! I found that the majority of your attacks were plausible, but that it is the things around it you had a little problem with. You messed up right/left on a few occasions, and I found that you sometimes "assumed" that Mirage did something. Yes, sometimes you have to do a bit of guesswork, but then it came down to your wording, of how you for example said that you left Mirage "standing there". A suggestion is to read through your post, and see if there's something which can be taken as powerplay, and see if you can phrase it in a different manner. Keep practicing, and I'm sure you'll be able to overcome these small issues, and get a better grip on how to write all the things "around you" (terrain, injuries, etc.). You've got the makings of a good fighter, because you have this basic grasp on movement. Good work!

Thor - 68
Mirage - 79

Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr

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